Since being a young child I've always avoided cracks in the foot path if I can help it, hated odd numbers and seen them as a bad thing. Recently though I've noticed I've developed a fear of odd numbers. How silly does that sound but yep its true and something I've been trying to work on with Chris as until writing this I hadn't told anyone about my current fear as I myself think its crazy so what will the rest of the world think.
I'm NOT looking forward to 2011 like everyone else seems to be as yep you guessed it. Its an ODD NUMBERED year therefore as far as my mind is concerned nothing could possibly be positive in this coming year.
To be honest with you I'm sitting here feeling like I'm having some sort of panic attack just at the thought of today is the last day of 2010.
8 years ago today I would have been laying in a hospital bed recovering from having a c-section and waiting for the numbness of the epidural to wear off. I had my daughter at 09:50am and only had a small glimps of her before she was rushed to special care as she had fluid on her lungs and was having trouble breathing.
I finally got to get out of bed at 4pm with a lot of help from my big brother who put me in a wheel chair and wheeled me into the nursery to meet my daughter. She was stunning and I instanly fell inlove with her.
As the years have gone by I have watched my tiny 7pound 7ounce baby turn into a beauiful young lady who adores everyone around her and is very interested in everything everyone is doing and wants to be involved. I love, adore and cherish my little girl and I'm so happy that I get the privilege of being her Mum.
HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE FAIRY GIRL
About 4months ago I was diagnosed with depression and put on meds as well as seeing a councillor. Instead of getting better though I have been feeling much worse to the point that I now feel I cant go out in public without my Fiance. I know that sounds soooo silly but its like he is my security blanket and I cant face the world without him.
I've also been shutting people out for the last few weeks. Just when I was starting to get a great group of friends which is something I havent really had since primary school. I'm now pushing them away. I'm not meaning to push people away and it isnt something I feel I have control over so its not like I can just stop.
To be honest with you I'm not the sort of person who likes staying home because it makes me feel trapped but the last few weeks I dont want to venture out that much and if I do go anywhere it cant be without my Fiance because I feel too paranoid to go anywhere without him. I wish that I didnt feel like this but I do so I need to work out whats going on and why I feel this way.
Whilst my Fiance was in hospital a few months ago I of course was driving around here there and everywhere as I had daily erands to run. One morning whilst backing out of the drive I noticed that the van was having trouble reversing, but due to it raining I just put it down to the drive being slippery and that was why my tyres couldnt grip the concrete. Little did I know at the time that was the first of many problems that was about to happen with our snail. From that day on the van seem to get worse and worse as time went on.
We decided an upgrade would be in order and so the search began for another car but this time only to accomodate our actual family being just the 6 of us. We looked at sooo many cars on the net as well as going and looking at cars in car yards and always found something that we liked the look of but in the back of our minds we didnt want to find that we rush into buying yet another car that is a BOMB and something we cant rely on so we always walked away and thought about it and discussed with each other what to do.
Yesterday my Fiance was searchin
g for cars on the net and found one that has exactly everything in it that we want so he went straight down to the car yard and looked and then BOUGHT the car. We pick it up TODAY. YAYYYYY
A few months ago now I tracked my eldest daughters father down via facebook who she lost contact with when she was 3 years old.
I thought all was going well and I've been patient as I understand that he works full time and his hours are all over the place so I never nagged or harped on him meeting up with our daughter and instead told him to tell me when he was able to catch up with our child which he said may not be for a while.
My ex has moved on and is now happily married which is great, but I don't know his wife and obviously neither does my daughter yet I'm finding emails in our inbox on facebook from this woman on a weekly basis. These emails aren't exactly nice as the first one was to my daughter accusing her of hurting her Dads feelings when all she did was ask him how long until they can meet up. I thought it was a fair enough question and didn't deserve the responce it got from a woman we dont know.
Yesterday I recieved a very and I mean verrrrrry abusive email from this woman accusing me of bagging my e all over facebook and telling me to grow the hell up. Well excuse me I have never and would never write a status about my ex especially one that would bag him.
It is so hard to communicate with my ex as his wife seems to use his facebook more than what he does himself and it appears that she responds and writes to my daughter more than what her own father does which really ticks me off. I'm fine with my child getting to know her technically step Mum, but I dont appreciat that this woman appears to be trying to start a fight over something that was never said or done. Grrrrr fair enough if my ex allows his wife to use his account to play games, but why not tell her to butt out of him talking to his child especially because the abuse that I coped yesterday has now got me rethinking about staying in contact.
My current partner and love of my life told me before I even tracked my ex down that it would end up being a mistake and that my child would only end up hurt. I was positive that he would be wrong and that it would all work out and then my child would finally have her Dad back in her life and know him for the great guy that he is, but instead its starting to look like my fiance was right, It seems a huge mistake that I now cant take back and feel so guilty for dragging my child into this situation when I should have know better.
There rant over
Chris and I have pretty much organised everything for our wedding in October.
We went ring shopping the other day and found 2 very gorgeous rings. Mine matches my engagment ring and I couldn't be happier with it. I'm not too sure what Chris' looks like as I had left the store by the time he had chosen which one he wanted out of the 6 that he was considering.
Apart from asking Dad if we can use his car for the wedding I'm pretty sure we have everything and the only thing to go wrong so far is my garter showing up yesterday which is supposed to be personalise with "Cindy-Rose & Christopher 10th October 2010" but instead it says "Cindy-Rose & Chirstopher 10th October 2010" so we are going to get it remade.
Today was my very first session wiith Lindy my councillor. Sitting in the waiting room I was pretty nervous as I had no idea what to expect and I wasn't sure of what I was going to tell her or how I was going to tell her. Plus I was a little scared of what she might end up digging up that has been affecting me for so long.
Lindy put me right at ease by asking me questions and giving a heck of a lot of compliments by telling me that I'm a beautiful young lady and a treasure that she would be proud to call me her daughter.
I was asked to tell her all about my 4 amazing kids so I told her every detail from the time they were all concieved right up until today as thats what she wanted to know.
I was also asked to speak about Chris and explain why I want to be in a relationship with him and why I believe he makes me happy. Lindy told me that she can tell just by looking at my eyes light up when I talk of Chris that I am head over heels in love with him and he must be a pretty special guy. I have to agree totally with Lindy on that one.
We spoke about Chris and my upcoming wedding and all about the excitment and nerves leading up to that big day. I'm only a little nervous as I want everything to go smoothly, but my instinct tells me there will be something to thrwo a spanner in the works. Fingers crossed I'm wrong though.
We also spoke about my childhood and how I feel about what happened to me by my uncle when I was very young as I thought that maybe part of my depression stems back to that happening because as I said to Lindy I was once a very outgoing little girl, but then all of a sudden I shut down and put walls up to block people out.
We also spoke about a few other things, but they WONT be mentioned as that is a private matter that I plan on just keeping to myself. Oh except for Chris because I tell him everything.
October 10th of this year is the day Chris and I become husband and wife. I'm excited, nervous, scared and have so many pictures of how I want our day to turn out going through my head.
So far about 20 people have been invited and majority have said yes including old primary school friends of mine who I invited as they mean something to me, but to be honest I didn't think I meant very much to them so was very shocked to see that they were very happy to be invited and be a part of Chris and my big day.
As of today there is 98days until our wedding and we haven't organised a single thing other than our celebrant who is more than happy to marry us.
Chris is working all this weekend and has asked me to make a list of things that we need to do for our wedding and also to research things online when I get a spare minute. Monday will be Chris's day off work so we will be getting stuck into organising our wedding together which I can't wait for.
So far I have looked up dresses to see what sort I might like even though I have already found one I love, but I just wanted to make sure it is the one for me. I've also looked up restaurants in our area and found maybe a few that would be nice as we wont be having an actual reception and instead are having a nice casual sit down meal with all our guests at the restuarant we choose to dine in for the night.
I've looked up music for our day and found a lot of romantic lovey dovey songs that I love so will have to have a CD out of them.
I had better get back to researching as there is still a lot to do and so little time to do it in with 4 kids. Thank you for reading and I will update again soon.
Amelia bought home her school report this afternoon. I'm very happy with what most of it said, but it says she is at a grade one level when it comes to her writting. Silly as it may sound that made me feel really hurt because both Amelia and I are forever working on her writting skills. Amelia loves story writting so she is always writting stories, notes or cards for other people and myself.
We work on her reading which according to her report is fine and where it should be for this time of the year even though we probably work more on her writting than reading, but her writting is something we have worked so hard on since she was really little. I personally feel that Amelia's writting has come a long way this year so why is her teacher saying otherwise.
Thank god Monday is parent teacher interviews because I'm going to be asking why she has said Amelia's writting is bad. It's insulting to see that my little girl has a passion for writting and its very rare to see her without a pen in her hand and she is great at story writting, BUT her teachers says she is at a grade one level....Thats crap and I know it. Watch out Mrs teacher bitch because this Mummy is soooo not happy with you.
The other night whilst cooking dinner with my 2 older children my fringe kept going in my eyes. Usually I would pin it back when it starts to annoy me, but this time I decided to take the scissors to my hair and cut my fringe. I'm so glad that I did because I personally believe this look suits me.
Last Friday (11th June) our twins Kaiden and Hollie were given their first taste of food...Farax, pear and apple. Kaiden loved being fed instantly where as Hollie kept spitting the food straight back out. I thought that maybe she isn't as ready as her twin brother so just kept spooning the food into Kaidens mouth who was welcoming the food with a wide open mouth.
The next day when I was feeding Kaiden again Hollie became very jelous that her brother was getting something that she wasn't so I tried her on a spoon of food which she loved and kept asking for more and more and more.
They are both being fed around 15:30 to 16:00 every day and so far so good with everything. I've made sure that as well as making up a bowl of food for them they each have a water bottle just incase they choke on the food at any stage as well as having sips of water during eating time which they both seem to love as well which I'm very pleased with.
For many years now I had noticed that I was always down in the dumps no matter what people did to help cheer me up. I always turned a blind eye to all the signs of depression that I had hoping that maybe one day it will just stop and go away.
I felt like I could handle being so down up until I gave birth to Kaiden and Hollie (my twins). As soon as I had them I wanted to be happy, but instead I felt overwhelmed, scared and frozen on the spot like I didn't know how to function any more.
Our twins are now 5months old and I had managed to just keep ignoring my depression until I started having a go at Chris on a daily basis for things he hadn't even done or had any control over.
I ended up making a doctors appointment which I took Chris along to. I couldn't even bring myself to tell the doctor that I thought I had depression so I asked Chris to tell him for me. The doctor was great and so nice as well as putting my mind at ease that it didn't make me a failure to admite that I feel down and not motivated to even go out and talk to people most of the time.
I was given a script for ZOLOFT and refered to see a councillor who I see next Tuesday (22nd June). I'm hoping to get a lot of things off my chest and hopefully she can help me to dig deep and realise the full extent of whats been going on to make me come to feeling this way.
This is my sister Jen with my very adorable nephew Jack Leo and my own pride and joy Amelia Saige who is every bit like me or so I'm told.
Late last year Jen and I had a major blue to the point that we stopped talking for a few months and I personally wouldn't even allow my own Mum and Dad to talk about her whilst I was visiting at their house. It hurt not having contact with my own sister because as much as I hate to admite it I have always looked up to her and wanted to be just like her. Maybe not so much these days but as a teenager I wanted to do everything she did and dress like she did.
February of this year (2010) Jen and I started talking again due to her being the bigger person and coming to visit me, my newly born twins and my older 2 children who she had missed dearly. I actually didn't think I would see her again after the fight that we had last year, but I'm so glad that we are back in contact and I now feel a lot closer to her than ever before. I love having my sister in my life and I get to watch my nephew grow up who I've already missed seeing grow up most of his life due to living in the country.
I love you JenJen and I'm glad that you had the courage to come to my house and make peace back in February because if you hadn't we would be missing out on so much of each others lives and each others kids lives.
After Chris and I became serious in our relationship and had Joshua who of course took on Chris' surname of LIDDIARD. I have thought, discussed with people and many times researched changing my eldest daughter Amelia's surname who shares my surname of GRASSICK to LIDDIARD.
Amelia never took on her own fathers name of DAY due to he and I being too rocky in our relationship at the time of Amelia's birth. I also didn't like the sound of my daughters name being AMELIA DAY because to me it sounded like some sort of celebration instead of a name for my little girl to carry.
I now have 3 kids to Chris who of course all carry his surname and part of me very much wants to change Amelia's name to match her siblings, but then another part of me feels guilty about changing her name to another mans name that biologically isn't her Daddy. I know that he has been there since she was just a few years old and has been really great with her especially recently, but it just feels strange that I was never willing to give her the name of the guy that helped to create her but have no issue giving her another guys name.
I don't expect comments to this blog as it was more just me venting to get it off my mind.
I opened my wallet and found it empty, reached into my pocket and found few coins, searched my heart and found you. Then I realized how rich I am!"
"It's not about how he made you cry, it's about how he made you smile again."
Here's my love, take it. Here's my soul, use it. Here's my heart, don't break it. Here's my hand, hold it and together we will make it forever."
"Being in love is what makes working all week bearable. It makes cruising with your windows rolled down feel like you're riding in a convertible. It makes you dance to the rythm of the copy machine and makes Friday night really feel like THE WEEKEND." :)
"You're not one of the reasons why life is worth living, not one of the reasons why I'm happy all day long, neither why I'll never feel alone - you'll never be one of the reasons, because you'll always be the only reason ...." ♥
"Love is when there are a million things you want to say to someone, but when they look you in the eyes and hold you in their arms nothing in life matters other than being with that person at that moment."
You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?
You never really live until you find someone worth dying for...
Even though at times I may NOT show that I love, care and cherish you. Please DON'T ever doubt that I do. I love you more than anything and I know that you love me otherwise you wouldn't stick around and put up with all the crap I have been giving you lately.
I truely am sorry for the way that I am. I honestly am telling you the truth when I say I feel that I have no control over these out bursts that I have been having.
I love you my sweet Honey Bunny and appreciat you more than you could possibly imagine and even though I may not show it to you all the time doesn't mean it's not true.
MMMMMWAHHH I love you my future husband.
When I first found out that I was expecting twins I researched the internet to see what other womans experiences were like whilst carrying their babies. A lot of the things I read I thought would NEVER happen to me, but boy was I wrong....Once I reached 20weeks pregnant my energy levels were basically non existant, I may as well have super glued a water bottle to my hand as I was always having to drink drink drink and had a constant thirst which the Doctors never ended up finding out what exactly caused that, but apparently it's common in a multiple pregnancy.
Don't get me wrong carrying the twins inside of me had a lot of joys especially when they started to kick and move around which felt weird coming from all over my stomach, but in a good way.
We nicnamed our twinnies APPLE and BANANA which we came up with when the Doctor and ultrasound people would refer to them as TWIN A and TWIN B. I was convinced that Apple was going to be a GIRL because of being so laid back in the womb and looking like they didn't have a care in the world. Banana I thought would end up being a BOY because whatever touched my stoamch whether it be the ultrasound prob, my hand running across my belly or me what ever happened to touh my belly Banana would give it a good hard boot as if it were annoying him/her so I was convinced that Banana would end up being a boy.
I remember my 14week ultrasound as soon as the ultrasound prob ran over the top of Banana inside my belly he/she would arche their back and kept attempting to kick it away. It was so cute to watch on the screen.
Carrying our Twinnies inside of me was an adventure and had so many good points, but also had a lot of hard points along the way like when I reached 25weeks and onward I found that every time I stood my my feet for more than 15minutes at a time I would all of a sudden get really dizzy and feel like I was about to pass out. By 30weeks I was more of less house bound as my legs couldn't tollerate the weight of my belly for very long and the dizzyness had gotten worse for me when I was on my feet. I remember at about 32weeks I had had enough of being stuck at home so we ventured into Frankston when I tried my hardest to walk around and even managed to walk from one end of the shopping centre to the other, but once I reached the other end of the shopping centre boy did I regret walking there as I then became so dizzy and faint. Chris offered to go and get the car, but I decided to walk back slowly.
January 16th I hadn't been out of the house in what felt like forever so I promised the kids we would take them to the Frankston forshore to see the fireworks and carnival that was on. All day I felt really strange and couldn't get comfortable no matter where I sat or layed which was annoying, but I thought that it was obviously another multiple pregnancy thing so didn't take too much notice of it.
15:30 came and I thought that I had better get ready and put my bathers on as it was a hot night so thought whilst we're at the beach we could all go for a swim, but two little people inside of me had another idea beacause as soon as I went to sit down on the toilet there was a huge GUUUUUSH everywhere. At first I thought that I had wet myself and became a little embarrased that I was just a step away from the toilet, but still didn't make it. Then another and another and another gush came and thats when I realised that nooo I hadn't wet myself....I was in LABOUR and thats when I called out for Chris or Amelia. Amelia came rushing in took one look at me and screamed at me "MUMMY YOUR IN LABOUR" then ran out to fetch Chris who at first thought that I was playing a joke on him as him and the kids were playing hide-and-seek so he thought that I was only saying I was in labour to get him to comeout of where is was hiding. Soon enough though he came and saw that our bathroom floor was covered in liquid and I was indeed not kidding.
We rang the Hospital to ask their advice, Chris's parents who were the ones we had asked to have the kids when it came time to have our twinnies....and called my Mum to ask if she could meet us at the Hospital because I has asked her to be there with us as it meant a lot to have my Mum there as she had been there with my older children.
The Hospital was so busy with emergencies coming in and needing surgery that I had to wait 12hours in pain and major discomfort with contraction after contraction, but luckily enough I had Chris and Mum there to help me through it all which was amazing. I couldn't possibly ever thank my Mum and my wonderful finace for all the support they gave me through out the entire journy of the pregnany, but especially the labour. Even though I was in a great deal of pain I still kept looking at Mum and Chris and seeing how exhausted they both looked, but yet they still carryed on and kept telling me I was doing well, rubbing my back and allowing me to use to their hands during contractions.
(Chris wearing his scrubs) We actually kept these, but shhhh beacause we weren't actually supposed to.
(down stairs....I was shacking soooo much from the spinal block)
Kaiden Noah born 17.01.2010 at 3am
All of a sudden we heard a little lambs cry which sounded so gorgeous and sweet.
Hollie Ava born 17.01.2010 at 3:01am
I don't think she was ready to come out yet. Held onto everything she could get a hold of when they pulled her out. The Doctors and Nurses joked that she will be a nurse when she is older because of holding onto all the scissors and tools.
Kaiden Noah 5pound 2ounces (Apple)
Hollie Ava 6pound 2ounes (Banana)
In the end I was wrong about who was Apple and who was Banana because the laid back Apple turned out to be a BOY and very active Banana was a GIRL.
I have had a few people say "We can not read your blog as it looks too dark".
Well as I had not found a Template I liked I had just left it.
Well today Chris surprised me and found one and I LOVE it.
Thank you my sweet Honey Bunny.
Over reecent weeks I have heard and seen so many people having family/friend falling outs just over a simple status update written on facebook. This is sooo ridiculous as everyone is entitled to their own opinion and should be free to write what ever they feel like on their own profile, but instead a lot of people seem to start a fight over status updates.
I myself have fallen victom to someone giving me a hard time over what I have chosen to write as my status even though it was just merely stating what my family and I were doing for the day. I like to write what ever I feel like on my status and refuse to have to hold back on what I have to say as I honestly feel that people should accept you for who you are and listen to what you have to say.
Why can't people just read a status and if they don't like what it says instead of abusing the person who wrote the status just keep it to themselves.
Yesterday Chris and I were in a shopping centre baby change room feeding our 2month old twins Kaiden and Hollie when a young Mummy came rushing with her screaming baby who was clearly hungry for a feed. This baby would have been about 4 or maybe 5 months old so would still require their bottles as well as the water in them to be sterolised, BUT instead the Mum pulled out an empty bottle walked over to the wash basin and filled up the baby bottle with water and then looked at it screwing up her face trying to figure out if it was the right measurement or not before adding what looked like a great deal of formula to such a tiny amount of water. Watching her actions of how she was taking care of her child made me think that she is one of those Mums that gives all us young Mums a bad reputation for being such horrid and bad Mums and Dads
I had my eldest daughter at 16years 7months and have coped many bad comments over the years about how I don't deserve to have had her, what a bad mother I must be due to being so young and even had people ask me why my own parents would allow me to have my daughter. I fully understand that people are entitled to their own opinion and obviously a great deal of people think badly of teen Mums, but not ALL teens that happened to have a baby are bad parents. I'm not saying that I am a perfect Mum, but I honestly don't believe that at any age you are better as a Mum. Everyone has their own mistakes and stuff ups in parenting no matter how young or old they are when they have their babies so why do people think that just because your young your bound to stuff up and not look after the child. Not to blow my own trumpet, but I happen to think I've done a damn good job at raising my daughter and still doing a good job. My age has never affected her in any sense and it would be nice if people could just back off of young Mums because we aren't all bad. A few teen Mummys might be bad, but that doesn't mean it should reflect on all teen Mums.
OMGosh as the years go on it seems like people are getting younger and younger when they experiment with sex and all sex related things. Today I found out that someone I know who is not even a teenager yet has experimented with their teen partner who they have been with for not all that long, but that is not even the point. I know that I lost my virginity at a very young age of 14 years old which now looking back I really don't understand what I was thinking as really that is soooo young, but hey it happened and I cant change that now. Plus I wouldn't have my gorgeous daughter if it weren't for experimenting with my own much older boyfriend at the time. That doesn't mean I would condon my own daughter or son going down the same life path as myself as I feel that as much as I love, adore and cherish my eldest daughter I wish that I had completed high school and made something of myself before bringing a mini me into this world. As I said though I cant AND WOULDN'T change what has happened for all the gold in the world and I love where my life currently is with my 4 wonderful children and partner that treats me like a godess.
This person though shocked me to hear what they had been doing and how much they knew about what to do to the opposite sex. It worries me to think of someone so young and so nieve already experimenting and not honestly realisning how easy it is to contract an STD or even fall pregnant or make someone pregnant. Like I said this persion is not even a teenager yet and has only just entered into high school and seems to know so little about sex, but says they know what they are doing. It worrys me to think what might happen to them.
For many years now I and many people in my life have noticed that I'm a verrrry touchy person. It doesn't take much to make me break down and burst into tears. As much as I try my best to not cry over such small comments it just cant be helped and before I know it the tears and streaming down my cheeks. I thought that this was pretty bad to live with, but then the other day whilst holding by youngest daughter I started to wonder if I possibly have depression and possibly have had it for many years, but just never realised. I came to this conclusion whilst holding my daughter because as I looked into my childs eyes something in my head was saying "she hates me....I know she hates me". On the outside though I don't feel hated by my child and actually thought that its very strange that all of a sudden that though entered my mind as at that actual moment my daughter was looking straight into my eyes with a cheeky grin on her face which made my heart melt.
Maybe it's NOT depression, but it's certainly not normal for a person to feel this way surely.
There are so many moments in my life over the last few years that would normally not phase anyone else, but me instead of just letting someones comments just go in one ear and out the other or ignoring what people say or do. I instead get very upset and either cry or if I'm lucky just have my eyes well up and hope that no one notices. For example my eldest son Joshua was playing in his Nanny and Papa's back yard last week with his cousin who happened to hit Joshua in the head as he became frustrated that Joshua wouldn't play with him. I completely freaked out at seeing my son getting hit and when I scopped him up in my arms to comfort him my eyes started to well up. I don't know if I felt that way out of anger, protection of my son being hit or what it may have been, but as I said what people would normally take lightly I instead seem to over react, break down about it, take it out on someone that it isn't even involving.
When I was a little girl of about age 4 to about 7 maybe I remember being such an out going little person who would talk to anyone from a child in the play ground to an adult on the street that I didn't know, but would strike up a conversation.
Then one day it was like I changed over night. I found myself claming up around people, but especially males for some reason. A lot of people over the years have called me SHY, but to be honest I don't believe I became this way just becaue I'm shy. I think there is something behind it. I mean there must be something behind it as I still to this day cant speak to males without feeling rather uncomfortable and sick to the stomach. Sadly up until a few weeks ago this also included my own father. The guy who once upon a time would take me out to Chelsea and buy me anything I asked for, give me a ride on a machanical horse and take me to the park to play on the swings. I know my Dad would never hurt me and I love him to the end of the earth and he means a lot to me, but from a very early age I became very distant from my Daddy who I once was insperable from...I found it hard to hold a conversation with him and found myelf very nervous to be around him especially if I was left alone with him, BUT that doesn't mean he has ever done anything to me as he NEVER did so please don't read into it like that. I've just had a very hard time being around any male from about the age of 7years old. I believe I know why this is, but as silly as it may sound I have only just recently figured out where I believe my problem started and I'm really hoping that talking to my councillor will help to sort out my issues that obviously started young and have continued right up until now.
In late July 2009 I found out via an ultrasound that I was pregnant with twins. I remember laying on the bed and the guy putting the probe on my stomach, looking at my my belly and then took it straight back off and turned to meet my worried eyes that were filling with tears thinking that he was about to tell me we had lost our baby. He said " DID YOU SEE THAT"...I looked at him puzzled and said " UMMM NO YOU TOOK IT OFF BEFORE I COULD SEE ANYTHING".. He then put the probe back on and told Chris and I to look at the screen closely. We both looked and I still had no idea what the guy wanted us to see as it was all one big black blur to my eyes. Chris looked and then turned to me really fast and shouted "OH MY GOD THERE IS TWO IN THERE". I looked and then suddenly it was as if the big balck blur came clear and I could make out two tiny babies which looked amazing.
I must admite that I felt terrible when we left the ultrasound clinic as Chris was excited and couldn't wipe the smile off his face where as I was scared and kept thinking about how I was going to cope with having 4 kids.
As the pregnancy went on I grew to love carrying not just one baby inside of me, but two babies which was a challenge at times, but so worth every backache, REALLY bad morning sickness and eventual not being able to walk past 30weeks without feeling like I was about to pass out due to the babies resting on my major blood vessel in my back.
Whilst pregnant it was actually surprising how many strangers in shopping centres and on the street would take it upon themselves to inform me that I'm going to have my work cut out for me having twins as well astwo older children. I found this extremely rude considering these people themselves have not mothered or fathered twins or multiples so how can they even begin to know what it would be like for me and Chris to be parents to our twins.
I have a friend who had twins 9months before I had mine and she too was informed right through her pregnancy of how she wouldn't cope and how hard it is to raise multiples and she also tells me that each and every person that happened to tell her such things were parents, but only to singleton babies.
As I have often said to many people through my multiple pregnancy and especially now that I have had our twins. People can't comment or judge unless they themselves have been through raising multiples first hand as it may look hard from some peoples point of view, but I have met many multiple parents since finding out that we oursleves were expecting multiples and I'm yet to hear any of them say that it's hard and that they aren't coping. A lot of multiple parents actually admit that they find it easier to raise their twins or triplets then it was to raise their singleton babies if they happen to already have kids.
I'm not saying everything about raising our twins is hunky dory because it does have it's challengers, but at this stage the only thing that I've found to be a challange is when they both want to be fed at the exact same time and Chris isn't around to help out.
Today I decided that I would start blogging. I've recently started reading my sisters blogs that she creates which have been a very interesting read and given me an insight to the way she thinks and feels about things that go on in her every day life.
This morning I was updating my status on my facebook profile about something I'm very passionate about and then all of a sudden what I was writting turned into me having a full on venting session about recent life dramas that have taken place in my life. I then decided that I have a lot of things that I'm always wanting to write down, but just have no where to write them so here I am starting a blog and hope that it will help me to relieve some of my frustrations in life and possibly give some people out there a good laugh or enjoyment in reading what I have to write.
For now I must leave this here as I have to tend to my new born twins.
